I have to tell you

"You must be Catholic",  said the smiling lady who chose to sit next to me when she boarded my commuter bus at South Station. She was responding to my outburst disclaiming that I  had just exploded  my Sprite zero all over myself and part of the seat that she was about to sit down in. Sit at your own risk, and she did. She thought I was Catholic because she evidently got a vibe in the 15 seconds of sitting next  to me that I seem like I am prone to share, or confess. We laughed and I explained that while I can't attribute my need to blurt out the truth as a religious trait, it definitely is a trait that has been with me since childhood.

I appreciated her observation. Intuitive people are the best to be around. This happened a week ago so I  figured I would write about it. Thoughts don't always stay with me that long in this fast-paced world of distractions that I live in. I tend to share rather than keep to myself. Over the years, this has been helpful in developing and maintaining relationships with people. Keeping it real. In the same respect, this has also caused misunderstandings with people. Some say I am too honest. Growing up, carrying my emotions on the outside was sometimes a painful disaster in an age where image and pretense was paramount. People don't always want to get into true feelings, at the risk of feeling vulnerable or otherwise uncomfortable. Many do not want to hear the truth when it's not peachy keen.

I have always been this way. Whenever I tried to get away with anything as a rebellious teen, I always got caught by my parents. I stink at lying. I think my Irish face turns red or somehow visually changes. Maybe it doesn't,  but since I feel it heating up, I think it does, and get nervous anyway. The truth always pours out of my mouth in the end.

Tell it like it is.

For some, there is no getting past small talk, how-are-you-I-can't-complain  discussions accompanied by a fake, hesitant hug that is forced with a restricted back pat and all. Some long time acquaintances I have won't get deeper than that. Or they just can't. And without their outward expression, it can be a struggle to have compassion and understanding.
Certain situations don't allow intense sharing. At work, I don't get deep and sentimental because the reality is that I am there to work and try to be successful. True feelings need to be masked sometimes to protect everyone involved.

I don't like to think that i take life too seriously, but at times, I  am sure that I am perceived in that way. I am persuasive and loud mouthed. I think it can intimidate and sometimes offend people. I do need to filter it from time to time. Will I change? Not really. For me, NOT being myself and trying to play it cool and untouched just ain't me, babe. As I age though, I am trying to control my need to share more. There is tremendous value in listening and taking things in and although it's not my innate tendency, I need to get better at it.